Parenting is a personalized experience and though there are no rights and wrongs since many things can be useful for different people in different situations, there are definitely some helpful and comparatively more effective ways to go about it! Parenting is one of the widely researched areas in fields of psychology, social behavior, and human development with ample scientific evidence linking certain principles of parenting to healthy child development.
In general, effective parenting is that which is based on a firm foundation of values and principles of honest communication, kindness, cooperation, co-creation, empathy, understanding, respect, balance and compassion – expressed clearly from both sides, parent and child.
Some useful principles:
Children imitate and learn, and hence a different mouth to eat and talk may generate an equal response from the children at home or when they are outside, socially. Their behavior cannot be blamed solely on the genes!
In other words, they observe and consciously and unconsciously take in the emotions, feelings, actions and words that you express negatively or positively and may use them when interacting with you or outside home. Hence, it is essential to set good examples or at least restrict yourself to only preach what you can practice!
Express openly and kindly, and they will too. It is ok to accept any mistakes you may have made, as a part of being human (by dropping the ‘superhuman’ act that we love), but essentially learn from them and encourage them to share too. This kind of involved parenting style enhances a sense of belonging, openness and optimism.
Define boundaries and set limits, with their involvement – It is important to not be extremely submissive or permissive. Set clear limits and boundaries for them and yourself with regards to different aspects like studies, outdoor playing, eating habits, family time and the like. The only way to get them to respect and obey these boundaries is by setting an example yourself.
Appreciate and pass on generous positive strokes in the form of a hug, a pat on the back, holding hands, smiling, a kind tone of voice and using positive language and kind words. An example of positive language could be using “remember to brush teeth” instead of using “don’t forget to brush teeth”. Involve them in house work and use appreciation when they contribute to house work, and also praise their accomplishments at home, academics or otherwise. However, avoid manipulating their behavior or response by announcing rewards in return.
Accept your child, the way they are, because each child is unique. Avoid comparing the child with others and be patient and supportive as they learn their way through life, at each stage and age.
The more you practice good parenting tips and prepare yourself, the better you ‘respond’, rather than react, in case of sudden, demanding or emergency situations. And they will learn the same!
