Separation and Independence
Your baby, after birth, will lack a sense of self – it has no idea that there exists a separate body from the mother. It is only around the age of six months that it begins to recognize the mother as a separate body, and the process of development of a sense of individuality takes years to manifest. In the first three months, the baby is very attached to the primary caregiver, usually the mother and is absorbed in it’s basic needs of food, water and understanding it’s own movements and reflexes.
The first step to learning about its independence comes around the fourth month when the baby realizes that it is separate and can get attention by crying. Around the sixth-seventh month, the baby completely understands its independence cognitively and hence develops ‘separation anxiety’ – the baby becomes anxious and tries to cling onto the mother and throws a tantrum if left alone, fearing that the mother will not return.
As the months pass, the baby makes progress in realizing its independence. Though the child may still cry when the mother leaves it alone, by the end of two years, through prior experience and memory, the child feels more secure within its own self. And once your child becomes more social and more confident that you are going to come back, your baby will be more relaxed and at ease.
As the security and trust in the mother increase, the child feels safe to venture out on its own by expressing its likes and dislikes regarding certain food items or clothes and wanting to ‘do things their way’. This may progress onto exploration and testing their limits, like doing certain things that you have warned them not to, if only to experience your reaction. With each passing year comes greater self-awareness and independence with constant declarations of “I can do it myself” and then progress onto developing social skills with other new people, especially at school or in the neighborhood.
As the primary caregiver or parents you may assist this process by –
For the development of a separate, confident and independent identity in the child, it is necessary for the parents to provide a sense of security and stability through consistent support and love, both physically and emotionally. This can result from simple things during infancy like responding to the baby’s cries, smiling and talking to the baby. Also, contrary to what is commonly observed, it is essential to allow the baby to indulge its curiosity in the environment, by not trying to stop it from touching, feeling things or moving around freely, fearing that it will get hurt.
It is also important to realize that even though the baby is becoming more independent, it still needs the comfort, security, love, encouragement and reassurance which it can receive only from you.
